Struggling- confused

By qtktqueenbee on Tue, 01-31-12, 11:42

Posted in Group:

Hi, I just joined Alcohol, Cocaine, Eating Disorder, OCD, and Self Injury yesterday- I have a long history with each one- I've gotten help for all of them before- currently I'm living in Rhode Island with my boyfriend- I'm on probation right now and have to go to therapy and get pee tested once a week at CODAC- not this past weekend but the one before I got drunk on Thursday night and got in a fight with my boyfriend and the next morning I took off and went and lived with one of his friends and barely remember all weekend- just went on a bender- admitted to my therapist and parents what's been going on (plus tested positive for cocaine) and agreed to start Intensive Outpatient and go back to AA meetings again- felt so motivated- but moved back in with my boyfriend and he thinks that AA is a 'cult' and that I should be able to just party in moderation- I feel so confused- we got in a fight last night and I self-harmed- on top of all of this, I have a gallstone which needs to be removed soon, and it's causing me to feel afraid of eating again- I had been doing better with that but now it seems worse again- I just need some advice!

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By WN8853 on Tue, 01-31-12, 12:02

Wow...you have a full list of issues. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. It sounds like you could wind up in jail if you dont get a handle on things and it amazes me your boyfriend would show you so little support. Some of us do not know the meaning of moderation and it just is not somethimng we can do, he needs to respect that. AA is not a cult but a program of recovery, my guess is the religious overtones of the program is what he does not understand. You need to surround yourself with people who know the battle you are fighting, and stay away from the others. You can do it but it will not be easy, it takes a lot of hard work and a lot of self reflection. You have to want it for you and no one else. Reaching out is a good first step and a sign that you know you need to change.

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